On a More Serious Note

Today at work was a success! I put my hair in a sock bun and wore a different brand of lipstick. No swollen lips for me. I even wore a blazer over my yoga pants and some heels. The kids had so much fun with it. They told me things like, "I didn't know you looked like that!" and, "Do you think Mr. Gresh will kiss you now that you look pretty?" A lot of my co-worker had fun with it too. The second grade hallway is like, totally out of the way and annexed off, so the kids were totally loving the fact that a lot of teachers were coming all the way down to our room just to look at me. I even told the kids that I will be looking better just for them. Which isn't actually true, but if I had a nickel for every time I lied to a child I would be a rich retired woman by now.

I wasn't able to get an OOTD (outfit of the day) picture since I had to shovel the driveway as soon as I got home. I tried to take a few photos after, but I was totally wind blown and disheveled looking, so my left eye is all you get.

I think my eyebrows are also looking a lot better. What do you think?

By the way I still didn't get any answers about the two mascara brushes and I honestly have no idea what the difference is between the two.

 

 

 

On a much more serious note, I can't believe how good I felt today. Not in a cocky way like, "Oh I'm so pretty." But I just felt so confident. Which really is what this whole escapade is about. There were a few hiccups throughout the day that normally would have totally unnerved me, but today things just ran smoother. A kid would try to do something and I would just be like, "Come at me bro."

 

 



For those of you who don't know, I struggle with confidence issues. In fact my confidence is so low that I suffer from a lot of anxiety as well. Now when I say I have confidence issues I don't mean to say that I believe that I am ugly or stupid or anything like that. I just find myself to be more of a follower, and I have a lot of trouble taking control or making decisions. I'm always afraid that people won't like me and therefore I have stopped voicing an opinion or having any of my own thoughts. My biggest fear isn't death or public speaking, it's conflict. I hold myself in a passive, submissive way and I refuse to tell anyone what I am really thinking.

 

Therefore the whole reasoning behind this journey is to build my confidence.

 

I know this is really deep for a Tuesday night blog, but I do have a point to bearing my heart out here on the internet. 

Last night the Mormon missionaries stopped by my house. The missionaries stop by our house every few weeks and see how we are doing. Even though deep down I know that the reason they are visiting us is to get us to go to church, I really like it when they stop by. They're just teenage boys sharing their love of Christ with others. It sets a good mood into our house, you know? 

Anyways, we had an awesome conversation about confidence and they even gave me an article to read. I won't post the article on here because it's religious, and I don't want to get into anything religious or political or anything like that on my blog, but if you are curious you can always email me and I would be happy to send it to you.

Anyways, as we were talking about confidence, I was telling them about my beauty escapades. I was honest with them in the fact that quite frankly, the fact that I am spending so much time on my outward appearance lately kind of makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like it should be selfish and shallow of me to do this, but for some reason I just know that I need to. I can't quite but my finger on why I need to work on my outward appearance, but I do.

The one missionary then explained to me that our physical appearance shouldn't be who we are, but it should reflect who we are and what we know. Then he gave me that article that talked about confidence, and physical appearance was a section in the article. I thought it was great. I'm not on this journey so I can have the confidence that everyone thinks I look pretty. I just want to reflect what is on the inside for me. I know that I am a kind and caring and nurturing person. I know that when my time has come I will be okay with facing my maker, and I know that I am trying my hardest in life to make sure that I leave this world just a little bit better then I came into it.

So please don't think me shallow for my sudden interest with sock buns and lipstick. I just want to be able to reflect how I feel on the inside to how I look on the outside.